This resulted in little offerings to his awaited bride when they were ready to be married. When the young lady told her father she planned on marrying the miller, he was totally outraged and forbade the marriage. The father being totally against his daughter’s marriage, refused to give her the customary bridal dowry….hoping she would change her mind and wait for a better suited man with higher statures.
Despite her father's disapproval, the young lady decided to risk the hardship of poverty and marry her true love. Without a dowry, the couple had very little to their names and was nearly penniless. Upon hearing the couple’s dilemma, the community came to their aid to show appreciation for the miller’s kindness to others over the years.
With the help of many kind townspeople, the groom's friends joined together and "showered" the new bride with necessities for the couple's home. Thanks to their kindness, the bride acquired what her father had denied her - everything she needed to set up a new home.
A beautiful tradition grew from the townspeople's generosity and continued for decades. Over time the old-fashioned dowry, a young woman customarily received from her family to set up her home, grew into a bridal shower given by her "family of friends." Gift giving was not common until the late 19th century. Back then early bridal showers were focused on strengthening the bride's friendship with her peers, offering moral support, and helping her plan for her marriage.
Early bridal showers tended to be much more intimate than modern showers. Unlike today's showers, the first bridal showers only included guests who were very close friends or relatives. It was only women who were invited.
Twentieth-Century Bridal Showers
Today there are many variations of bridal showers.
Hosting Couple Showers - Men have become much more involved in the wedding process. With more couples paying for their own weddings, the groom doesn't want to feel left out of the pre-wedding festivities. Having men present makes the whole thing much more relaxed. You see less of the traditions such as bouquets and hats made from the bows and ribbons. And the showers are more often held at the couple's favorite hangouts such as a restaurant or a bar, or even at a friend's house for brunch. The friends or family planning the showers have become tuned in to this. As the guest arrives at the bridal shower, have him or her fill an entry in an address book, which will act as the "sign-in" book. At the end of the shower, the bride has all the addresses and phone numbers she needs!
- Activity Centered Shower For Women Only - Women are now experiencing other bridal shower methods. A popular activity has become spending a day at the spa. Often the bridal party does this. Everyone attending the shower is signed up for two or three spa services. The organizer reserves a space at the spa so that everyone can eat lunch together and exchange gifts. Sometimes the guests pitch in together to pay for the bride's services, as their shower gift for her.
- Shower at the Office - Offices have become friendlier places over the years and with the growing brotherliness, it's become more common to host bridal showers for co-workers. We are seeing more nowadays showers being extended to the groom, not just to the women in the office. Of course, given the more professional nature of the environment, the do's and the don'ts for office showers are a bit different from family and home showers.
Organizing Tips:
- Get management approval if you plan to host the shower in the office, instead of in a restaurant.
- Check with honoree's supervisor to make sure employee will be available at the planned time.
- Try to schedule the shower during lunchtime when it is easiest for employees to take a break.
- Keep the event to under an hour.
- If it will be held in the office, you can have everyone contribute an appetizer or salad to the refreshments, or you can collect money for purchased refreshments such as a deli tray.
- Attendees can purchase their own gifts, or contribute to a combined gift.
- If you work in a large corporation, your guest list should be limited to honoree's department and close friends in other areas of the company.
- If financial contributions are on the low side, then limit the food to a cake served and festive party goods.
- It may be difficult to choose an appropriate gift. It's often hard to know what a co-worker needs or has already purchased for the expected new home. In that case a gift certificate to a favorite department store or catalog is a good choice.
- Keep decorations simple, you may not have much time for setup. A cluster of festive, helium balloons and a banner honoring the guest of honor will help to set the party mood. Add the appropriate party goods, and you've probably done as much as you can in an office setting.
- Alcohol is inappropriate in an office setting. Serve a non-alcoholic punch instead.
The event is usually held within two months of the wedding, up to two weeks before the big day. (It is considered poor etiquette to invite guests to the shower who have not been invited to the wedding.)
The principal reason for a bridal shower is that it's a nice occasion for close family and friends of the bride to spend relaxed time with her before the big wedding day. It's a time for sharing funny stories, for relatives to give advice to the bride, and for friends to show their support.
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